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Thanks. [August 11, 2009 @ 11:00pm]
[ mood | blah ]

Even though I know this will never be read by the person it is addressed to, I still wanted to post it.

Thank you.
Thank you for listening to me when you did not have to.
You told me one little line of advice I always seem to forget
& it helped me stop worrying.
"Don't close a door on something that you are not 100% sure about. You don't know if you will be able to open it again"
I have had this bug in the back of my head gnawing away at me about my current relationship...
But I just get nerves.
I dont know why.
But I know I am not ready for us to be over.
Thank you, you are a better friend then you could imagine...

Now to apply for more jobs so that I may escape the boss that pisses me off!

Haha... Ew. [August 10, 2009 @ 3:17pm]
[ mood | accomplished ]

Bathroom before:


The messy monster lives at our house...

Smooke. [August 10, 2009 @ 11:55am]
[ mood | giddy ]

I need to smoke right now.

But FUUUCK- There is no more hookah left, my boyfriend has my pack of cigarettes, and I am trying to not use my weed... Not only will I want to eat, I also cant afford to buy more when my bag is empty. Bleh.
I need something else to distract me. What I should be doing is cleaning...

Ah fuuuuck it.
I might as well clean.

[August 10, 2009 @ 10:06am]
[ mood | melancholy ]

Ugh. Just weighed myself (and updated my earlier entry).
Fucking Christ.
I have so much work to do before I can get back to where I used to be.

I am starting the 28dayplan today. I could not decide on a goal though, some of the ones I though of were:

  • 300 cals a day
  • Fasting
  • 200 cals or less, ONLY before noon. Fasting after noon.
I think I will just go with the simplest of 300 cals a day & go back to doing yoga again... I do miss yoga...

Guilty. [August 09, 2009 @ 10:48pm]
[ mood | crushed ]

I should feel this guilty.
I have been bad.
Shit is going to change to the way it used to be.

Height: 5'10''
CW: 277
LW: 130 (not long ago :/)

Going to sleep
& hoping to wake up to a new day
& changes.

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